Impossible...NOT!

Cleaning out closets

2011-09-25T20:59:00.000-07:00

I realized today that I have been holding on to so many things that have been great for a time and brought life for a season, but now they are just taking up space that could be used for new things. As I went through my shoes yesterday I rehearsed different stories about different pairs. There were ones I had worn when I trekked gorillas in the middle of Africa, a pair I wore when I preached to women in China, heels I had worn when preaching to the youth in Colorado, tennis shoes I had worn when I ran my first marathon, crocs I have worn in numerous hospitals across the country and the list goes on and on…..

Today I was reminiscing on some of the amazing places that Yahweh has taken me. Like the time I preached to a bunch of gypsies on a street market in Romania and numerous men, women and children gave their life to the Lord, and when a woman in Peru started speaking in tongues after I layed hands on her, all the people in the many hospital rooms that I prayed over and ministered to, my encounter with Sarah Palin when I began to publically pray in the spirit over her, and the list of testimonies continues on and on.

Well, Holy Spirit began to speak to me about cleaning out and making room. I have had the poverty mentality of hoarding things that I think I might need. I have started the process of purging spiritually and physically. I started getting rid of old clothes, scrubs, memorabilia, etc. Although these were great at one time they do not represent where Yahweh has me now. It is time for me to remove these things so that there is room for new things. I am making room for things that are excellent and will fit well into this new vessel Yahweh has made of me. I believe Holy Spirit is reminding me that I need to travel light so that I can move quickly and cover a lot of ground. If I truly trust the living God I do not need to hold on to past experiences, past words, past testimonies to be reminded of who He is. I can make a draw off of the anointing that dwells in me and in a moment I can have exactly what I need for me and anyone that Yahweh places before me. No more hoarding, no more being selfish, everything I have I will give freely knowing that the river is wide and vast and there is an unlimited supply.

The time of purging has begun. I NEED lots of room for the new testimonies, experiences, and adventures (and of course the new shoes) so that I can cover lots of ground quickly. I am expecting the unexpected right here right now with Yahweh and me.

Cleaning out my closet has been fun and I feel light as a feather and have wings on my feet! I am ready to soar in new arenas………

The shoes are speaking to me……

2011-09-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

This morning I wasn’t doing any thing super spiritual or even thinking about anything spiritual. I was making French pressed coffee and I began to hear Holy Spirit. I instantly knew that I needed to get rid of all my old shoes because I will need new shoes for where He is about to take me. So I began to clean my closet out. I could not believe how many of my shoes had stories and memories behind them. It was great rehearsing the places Yahweh has taken both naturally and spiritually. But, I am thankful for today and all that has changed in me and I embrace the new. I have not seen anything yet! Truly my latter days are and will continue to be better than the former. I know there are still lands and people Yahweh has ordained for me to visit and impart to. I will not relent! I see the importance and the significance of who I am. For such a time as this I will stand and speak to the north, south, east, and west. I don't need to wait for a platform or a place of honor. I know that I have and will continue to make a difference in this world. I will continue to be sensitive to Yahweh. I have NOT and I will never allow the world to desensitize me. I find myself weeping a lot these days, but not from sadness or disappointment. I weep because the presence of Yahweh still overwhelms me. I am moved in my Spirit by what is taking place in me and in the people I love. My prayer continues to be "Yahweh continue to allow me to be compassionate and love without restraint and please Yahweh do not allow any injustice to me or anyone that I love to harden my heart toward Yahweh’s people." I am thankful that I can say He has done just that and He continues to pour His love in me and through me so that I can love even the most unlovable. And in the midst of my today I find myself loving like never before. Thank you Yahweh for true freedom!

Don’t ever think your silly prophetic gestures are not significant to Yahweh because they are………..

Baptism

2011-06-24T09:14:00.001-07:00

I have had so many people ask me about this past weekend and my baptism, but I honestly have not been able to articulate everything that took place and probably still will not do it justice.

As far as I can remember I have been baptized 3 times. The first time was when I was a child by a former children’s Pastor. I don’t remember much about it. I just remember getting dressed in a weird blue robe and standing in front of the church in a big baptismal tub.

The second time was by Apostle Erich this past year in Boulder Creek. It was an impromptu thing that was orchestrated by Yahweh. That baptism to me was like the washing of things away and a demonstration of leaving the old things behind, dying off of slavery and embracing purity and holiness.

Well this past weekend’s baptism was different than anything I have ever experienced. I walked into that muddy creek in Alabama not knowing what was about to take place. I was not emotional, which is unusual for me during deep spiritual events. I knew that it was a serious and very important day in my life. After walking through the muddy water, through the prayer line, and back up onto the banks where numerous young people stood in passionate worship, I could not comprehend what had just taken place.

Over the past several days Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about baptism. I walked into that water whole and complete, pure and empty of any heaviness, past regret or wounds. Because I entered free, Holy Spirit was able to baptize me into something new. I believe there was a lot deposited into me that afternoon: new identity, new ideas, new thoughts, new dreams, new desires and visions. Everything that I once desired was in a moment washed away. In the natural it makes no sense, but by Holy Spirit clarity can come and it has.

Just as generational curses can be broken and removed, I also believe that things can be received and inherited. Certain mantles, anointings, and gifts that might have been forfeited, lost or even given away are being returned to us in this season “The Day of His Presence”. If we will have eyes to see and hearts to receive, I truly believe that we are going to inherit unthinkable things. Revelation truths that have been lying in front of us for years but have been uncomprehensible will all of a sudden be comprehended. Prophetic dreams, visions and ideas will not only be given without limitation, but what has been spoken and seen will be manifested in the here and now. I caution us in this time to be careful what we ask for because it may not be “the perfect”. Turn your face to the Father and watch and see what is being given to you. Again, not because we deserve it but because the hearts of the fathers have been turned to the children and it is an awesome day. ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE ABUNDANCE is ready to be poured out!!

Don't wait for perfection

2011-04-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

If you wait for everything to be perfect you will be waiting for eternity

If you say you will accomplish that task when my schedule is set, you will never see it done

If you wait for all the resources you need you will never create the impossible

If you say I will do that when I am debt free you will miss the time you have been given

If you say you will wait and write that book when you have more time, life will just get busier

If you say...

I will wait for a man or woman or baby to do those things

I will wait to do that when I am done with school, or this job or this task

and the list goes on and on...

If we always say we will wait then we will not accomplish anything. I promise you there will always be a good excuse to put off the tasks Yahweh has given us.

Turn off the TV, don't go to the movies, get off Facebook, turn down a coffee date or a lunch date and pick up a guitar pick, sit at the piano, grab a pencil, write the unknown, dream the impossible. Do NOT wait for the perfect time to accomplish these task, goals, dreams etc. lest you be wait for eternity.

Let us not miss what is available for us in this time. The resources we need are available we just need to see with new eyes and use what we have been given. It's easy to focus on what we do not have, instead let us focus on all the things that have been made available to us and then we will begin to see. Thankfulness is key. Recently I was singing to Yahweh I want more of You and the sweet sound of Holy Spirit rung in my ear; “you sound like an ungrateful child with new toys all around and still asking for more, as if what I have given is not good enough". I realized that no sooner had Yahweh given me a new revelation, a word, a song, poem or whatever, I was asking for more. Nothing was ever good enough. Being thankful for what we have already been given is key. Not to stay there in that place but be thankful and use what has been given. When you give someone a gift the biggest compliment is to see that person use the thing you gave them. It's the same with Yahweh! You can say thank you and it is great to hear, but more than those simple words it is important to use what has been given. Wear it! Let the outside represent what has taken place on the inside. Do not focus on the imperfections in yourself or your situation or you will find yourself always dwelling in the flaws and not realizing the areas He has perfected. Don’t wait for perfection before you rejoice and are thankful for what you have been given.

Alcohol

2011-04-10T21:13:00.000-07:00

Repentance is my friend. I am walking in new convictions and what once was law has now become revelation life to me.

Today my repentance is about alcohol. For years I have not drank because I was told it was wrong by both my Apostle and my parents. When people asked me why I don’t drink I would without hesitation say because it is important to my parents that I don’t, so I honor them by not drinking. It has always been a law to me until recently. In my circle of kingdom friends it has always been a point of discussion and my response has always been I don’t have a problem with people drinking but because it’s so important to my parents I don’t. When I was out to dinner with friends I would always struggle with the desire to have a glass of wine with my meal. I was living by the law, but in my heart I was constantly struggling with the morals of social drinking.

In the last 6 months I released myself from the “law” of drinking. I decided that while it may be wrong for others, it was fine for me. After all, I haven't ever had a problem with drinking, nor has anyone in my family so what could it hurt? I mean, what was 3 glasses of wine in the last 6 months compared to what most people were doing? I convinced myself it was nothing. Every time I drank I would convince myself that it was perfectly fine, that I was drinking in a safe environment and that I was out from under “the law. “ However, I felt tererible each time and would talk myself out of feeling badly by telling myself I was a grown woman and could do what I liked.

But, I was wrong. My friend Genevie had a prophetic dreamed that completely convicted me and answered every question I had about alcohol. I have included a copy below and I believe it will speak to all of us about a lot of different things, not just alcohol. I have repented to my Apostle and will walk this truth out with a joyful heart. I know now that if I always looked at not drinking as a rule it could always be broken. I realized that I needed to grasp hold of the revelation of not consuming alcohol for myself and not because I was told not to or because of someone else's feelings or opinions about it. It wasn’t just about me, its about my family and my future. I do not want there to be anything that keeps me from being in tune to Holy Spirit. I do not want anything to cripple my judgment. I do not want to be found dumb or mute. I want to be a standard of righteousness.

Today it is my delight to say I do NOT consume alcohol because I have laid hold of revelation truth and I will walk in it. Not because its a law but because my Father was faithful to speak to me and answer my questions about it through a dream and now it has become life. I encourage all of us to not muzzle the voice of Holy Spirit in any way, shape or form. Ask Yahweh to make this real to you...ask Him what He thinks about it...but only if you are willing to hear and then obey. Lets once and for all set ourselves apart, set ourselves aside to hear His voice. And ask yourself, is anything worth grieving the heart of the Father or keeping yourself from receiving everything that He has laid up for you? Be willing to take the next step, and see if He doesn't open the gates of heaven and pour out His blessing and His presence to you in greater measure than ever before!

Genevie's Dream:

Don't aggravate the grizzly bear

The Dream:

There was a large group of people on a tour through a forest. The group was going to tour specific points in the forest and then they were going to catch a plane out of that land. Throughout the tour, we were told of a grizzly bear we would see at the end of the tour. The grizzly bear was trained to be calm, unmoving, safe and friendly. Many people were eager to see this grizzly bear, the “friendly” grizzly bear. Also we were told on the tour that the grizzly bear had been trained to perform some human abilities. Finally at the end of the tour we saw the bear: relaxed and unmoving. We were told not to use flash photography when taking pictures. The bear was caged in a flimsy gate that you would find in any typical yard, not one to protect from a massive 500 pound bear. After viewing the melancholy bear, we headed to our golf carts to get to the airport. One man remained behind to challenge the bear’s limitations. He took pictures with a bright flash repetitively. The bear didn’t flinch. He found a ball and threw it at the bear, the bear didn’t move.

Then the man took a large stick and threw it at the bear. The bear broke through the gate and lunged on this man. I was looking back at this the whole time and screamed, “The bear is loose!” Everyone fled and tried to find safety. Some people stood still in hopes that the bear would not attack. Some people hid in obvious places behind a building or behind a bush. I saw a tree house and I climbed in the tree house and hid in the innermost room of the tree house. Other people were with me in the tree house. As we hid we could see and hear the attacks of the bear on the people below us. The bear didn’t just stop with the one who provoked him; he went after everyone in his sight. Soon after this, the bear went into a building and came back out with a gun. He began to shoot as well as attack. This gun usage was one of the “special” human traits he was taught.

Soon we didn’t hear anything, no growls, no screaming, and no gun shots. Slowly we began to peek out to see if the bear had gone. Soon after that we left out points of safety to discover much damage and death. I immediately wanted to leave the area and catch the plane, but many of the people wanted to stay and take record of the event by taking pictures. I vocalized the unimportance of that and urged our return to safety and explained that the bear was still loose and could attack again! No one wanted to heed my warning and remained taking pictures of where the bear charged through the gate, the trees and buildings he destroyed and other evidences of the attack. I did not tolerate this long and I told the group of people I was leaving and getting on my plane out. If anyone wanted to follow, they were welcome to do so. And I left the battle ground.

The Interpretation:

As a child of Kingdom parents, we were sheltered and our parents dealt spiritually and naturally against heredity curses that they did not want to pass on to their children. As a result we did not deal with many of the adversities they had to endure. Now this dream speaks to the “grizzly bear” that others have slain or killed before us. The man who aggravated the bear was one of those children saved from heredity curses, but he chose to play with fire with trying to push the boundary of the bear’s innate characteristics versus the believed trained calm bear. As a child who has grown up my whole life knowing Yahweh and living a Kingdom life, there are still things that I should avoid, because of knowing the past of my parent’s lives. Things that they have walked out of, I should not tip toe around those things as an invitation to enter my life. Once we play with the keys to unlock doors of slain dragons and fallen bears we are inviting an attack in our lives. Now because we have not had to deal with certain circumstances and challenges like our parents, we have not been prepared to fight certain battles others have, because we have been protected from that. But once we aggravate the grizzly bear that bear could be equipped with further vices that you didn’t even know existed! For instance, the bear was trained to use a gun.

As a result of aggravating that bear, he attacked all that surrounded him. This is so true in our lives. If we open the door to things of our past it will affect us and others, our families, our children and generations to come. Now I know adversities will come in our lives, but we must be prepared and wise to endure and overcome. And once the battle has been won, go to a safe place and celebrate, do not stay in danger to marvel at near glimpse of death. That bear was still on the loose and could still attack and yet people wanted to remain in that same place. Move, make a 180degree turn, make it to safe ground and rejoice that Yahweh has saved you!

In conclusion, this dream spoke loudly to me to not be complacent with being saved and believed safety from very alive vices of this world that can easily and heavily affect your life and your future seed. I am asking Yahweh to reveal the things to me that I need to avoid and remove myself from to protect the victories of my parents and grandparents and victors before who decided to make a stand and battle against what was not meant to be. I am freed and I want to remain that way. It is not worth it to join in what others believe to be normal and okay, I do not want to jeopardize this life I live for Yahweh or the opportunities my children will have as a result of this stand. I urge you not to potentiate or aggravate what has been slain or killed for you to have life. Let’s be smart when the storm comes or when we must fight, so that we can scream victory when war is won. We are Kingdom people, we were meant to be here at this time. Let Yahweh reveal to you His Kingdom order and keep doors that were locked alone and walk in your fullness on this earth. Make a legacy and way for Kingdom opportunities for the generations to come! Amen!

Dating

2011-04-09T13:08:00.001-07:00

Why have I chosen the path of not dating?

As a 30 year old woman who doesn't date, I get looks of shock and sometimes even pity. Neither of these reactions are very helpful. I have always had a desire to be married and have babies, but it hasn't been until recently that I have felt mature enough and selfless enough to be able to be a good wife and mother. I have been able to travel numerous places, buy condos, build houses, live on the beach and come and go as I pleased. I have had an amazing life so far and I know that it is just getting better and better. So please don’t pity me, it diminishes all the things I have been able to do and accomplish thus far.

It is the cry of my heart to be a demonstration of purity in my marriage as well as in the days leading up to it. I do not want to be tarnished in any way. I want to have my whole heart to give when the time comes. I do not want to take baggage into a relationship that is meant for one man and one man only.

I believe every time you date especially as a woman you give a piece of yourself you can never get back. The gifts you gave naturally, the words you spoke, the adventures you had together become part of you. You can save the heartache by trusting the almighty God, Yahweh and listening to His voice. It really is that simple. We are the ones that complicate things by putting our own agenda and ideas into the matter. I do not date at 30 because I want to start my marriage on the word of Yahweh. Yeah that may mean that I do not know the man as well, but life is an adventure and when you are walking by the Spirit there is never a dull moment.

Has the journey been easy, NO! There are hard, lonely days. I wish that were not the case, but it is true. Yahweh created intimacy and it is a great thing when it is in order. On those days of difficulty and doubt I pray in the Spirit. Holy Spiritcontinues to be my helper, teacher, comforter, and friend in every area of my life.

And suddenly…………..

Breakthrough

2011-04-09T13:04:00.001-07:00

BREAKTHROUGH:
1: an offensive thrust that penetrates and carries beyond a defensive line in warfare
2: an act or instance of breaking through an obstacle
3 a : a sudden advance especially in knowledge or technique medical breakthrough>
b : a person's first notable success

Recently I have had a breakthrough in regards to communication.

I am a very aggressive person, sometimes that works for me and other times it doesn't. I have recently allowed Yahweh to completely change how I view situations, and I am learning patience in a new way. I am learning to trust Him in ways I never thought I would have to. What I have found out about myself is that I am more than able to be silent, be at peace and allow Yahweh to move on my behalf. I do NOT have to put my hands in it. I do NOT have to worry. I do NOT need to ponder the when, where and how. After all, Yahweh has brought me this far and I am not the same woman I was a year ago, 6 months ago, last month or even a couple hours ago for that matter. As a friend of mine recently said, “I am being stretched in whole new dimensions not directions.“ I will allow Yahweh to move on my behalf. And then I will be able to say, “Yahweh did this for me. I cried out for it and it was a SUDDENLY.” I am resting in new areas and communication is one of those areas. I am sitting back knowing that all things are being worked out for my good. I rejoice today in the change of heart, I rejoice in my ability to be silent; I rejoice that I have overcome my own desires to let Yahweh have His way. I rejoice in my success, the breaking through from my natural tendency to put my hands in things and making them happen. I have overcome one more obstacle and I thank Holy Spirit for helping me be an overcomer.

Brotherhood

2011-04-01T14:03:00.000-07:00

Today as I was driving home I was again reminded of the importance of unity and brotherhood. I was thinking of all the men that have touched my life, rehearsing the ministry and revelation that each one brings. From the Gulf of Mexico, to the city of Atlanta, through the flat lands of Florida, the green mountains of Vermont, the Rocky Mountains of Colorado, through the corn fields of Iowa, the Island of Trinidad, the jungles of Africa, the bays of Mobile, and many other places in between. It is so easy for us to be caught up in the revelation that each one carries individually and not look beyond ourselves, believing we have it all figured out and that we don't need anyone else. When in fact we should be walking together arm in arm, strength to strength. Yahweh has given us all a position to take and whether we are teaching apostolic government, the revelation of eternal life, the wheel within the wheel, revelation of heaven and hell, going beyond the veil, and numerous other revelation truths I could write here. We all have a place and we are all created differently. We need to be able to look beyond one another’s personalities and weaknesses. It really does not matter whether his hair is long or short, whether he likes Cracker Barrel or not, whether he wears jeans or a 5 piece suit. We have to go beyond the natural and see one another the way Yahweh sees. If we are going to be able to accomplish everything Yahweh wants us to, we will have to lay down our pride, past disappointments, opinions, and idiosyncrasies. The fact is we are all changing, we are not who we used to be. If we truly believe in the power of Holy Spirit we should not limit who our brother can be. Lets see with new eyes and see one another as Yahweh sees us. Lets forget what he said or she said and let us be mature sons in the earth joined together in unity, helping one another become all that we are created to be. Lets rejoice together over all the things Yahweh is doing in us and the people He has joined us to. I exhort us today to believe again in one another, not limiting Yahweh in any way. After all, how can we limit the Creator in us?

I am in love with all of you already

2011-03-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

I have dreamed about you since I was small. I think about you often. I wonder what you will look like. I wonder how many of you there will be. I wonder if some of you will come on the same day. I have loved you without even meeting you. I have thought of your smell. Dreamed of your hair. Imagined looking in your beautiful eyes...will they be blue, hazel, green or brown? Will they look like your father's or mine? I have thought about the lack of sleep and the midnight feedings when the house is still and silent and it’s just you and me. What songs will I sing? What books will we read, what thoughts will we share? Will you want to be rocked, held tight, bounced, swaddled? Before too many nights have passed I will know your routines and desires and I will meet your every need. I have dreamed of your daddy’s response when he sees your face for the first time. What will he prophesy over you in that moment? I have dreamed about your birth, your first words, and your personality. What will you be when you grow up? Who will you marry? How many children will you have? Will you be adventurous like me? I have even had tears fall from my cheeks as I do tonight thinking of the last time I will ever deliver. I think of you often and know one day in my near future I get to meet the bundles of joy Yahweh has for me. My future seed, my future babies waiting to be brought into this world. I am thankful I have waited for the man Yahweh created for me and that out of our obedience life will be birthed in His perfect time. Not a minute too early or late. My quiver will be full. Lullabies are being written in my heart for each of you. Your mommy is praying for you today and one day soon we will meet face to face. I am in love with all of you already.

Poor listeners

2011-03-29T06:49:00.000-07:00

My generation saddens me. We are terrible listeners and full of disobedience. We have to be entertained 24/7. It is no wonder that churches feel as if they need lights, smoke, PowerPoint’s and coffee breaks to keep people entertained and focused. It is so unfortunate that we think we need these things to gather a crowd when in reality it's the power of the life changing word that will draw men and women, not the show. Yes, let us always improve our techniques of delivering the message but we get caught up in the delivery and not the giver of the word and the word itself. We put our own flavor and take away from the Creator. I am all for having fun and allowing the Creator to help us be creative but the motives behind it will SHINE. Let our hearts be pure and allow creativity to flow.

If we would listen to the men and women that have gone before us and not think that we know everything it would really save us a lot of heartache and time. My generation and the ones after look at the first step on the instructions and don’t read any further, thinking we can accomplish the task without any further direction. We start to put the object together and what we don’t realize is if we would have kept reading we would have known that doing step 1 without doing step 4 simultaneously we would ruin our project. We could have saved ourselves the frustration, time and money if we would follow the instructions of the ones who had done it before, the experts.

Our generation wants to learn everything on their own and in doing so we are wasting time. We could be standing on the shoulders of our parents and Apostles seeing beyond. We can NOT stand there until we recognize where they have come from, learn what they have learned and receive the heart of the father.

You say.........

2011-03-28T19:20:00.001-07:00

You say you know Me but you don’t

You say you walk in rest yet you're constantly exhausted physically, emotionally and spiritually

You say you are clothed with the garment of righteousness yet your thoughts are held captive

You say you see like I see yet you walk away from the ones I love without a second thought

You say you have compassion for the lost but yet you don’t lend a hand

You say you want to hear more but you spend no time listening

You say you are living in order yet your house is in disarray

You say you walk in authority yet when you speak nothing happens

You say you are a leader but no one is following

You say you are a believer but everything about your life screams disbelief

You say you are a healer yet you walk past the sick and do not heal

You say you are different, set apart and chosen but you look, sound and act just like everyone else

You say you are submitted yet when you hear NO you run the opposite direction

You say you want to speak what I speak but when there is opportunity you are silent

You say you walk in joy yet your countenance is always downcast

You say you are a brother yet you ridicule, chastise, cut down and belittle the gifts in others

You say you want my presence but your days are wasted with non productive insignificant tasks

You say you want more of Me but when I show up you hide or run

You say you have faith to move mountains then you say we'll see

You say you want to raise the dead but you walk among the dead daily and don’t even see them

You say you are full of purpose but you act as if you have no where to go and nothing to accomplish

You say you are at peace yet you are constantly stressed

You say you are fathered but the mark of hurt and rejection is heavy on your shoulders

You say you have compassion for your future but you are not bettering yourself in any way

You say you want to be creative yet you limit the creator that created you

Song I wrote February 7th

2011-03-28T15:34:00.000-07:00

Chasing after dreams that were never meant to be

Searching after things I was never meant to see

Yahweh revealed Himself to me and

Oh my GOD how could I have never seen the things that were before me

I have dreamed of things that I was not to be but even more than that I have seen

What I am to be

I am in awe of what the Father has said

I am changed today as I embrace the truth in me.

I am not ashamed to say that I have made mistakes

But I am hear today because of Yahweh’s Grace.

I have seen the light and it has set me free.

And with a new mindset I’ll run with liberty

As the gates are opened wide

And my minds been set free

I have been changed and am walking in liberty

No longer will I live in the bondage of captivity

There is safety in this place as I sit in the presence

Of the living God, Yahweh

Embrace this time, embrace the word, embrace the day of His presence and don’t

Let anything stand in your way

FACEBOOK

2011-03-27T21:37:00.001-07:00

My name is Crissy Hathaway and I am embarrassed to say that I was addicted to Facebook….

Had I really been so consumed with what everyone was doing on a minute-by-minute basis? Needing to know where everyone was on vacation, who was getting married, who is pregnant, who just had a baby, who just bought a new car, who just moved, what dessert they had for dinner, what new dress they bought, who they just met, who they ate lunch with, where they worked, where they got their hair done, who broke their heart, who were they mad at today, who had the “BEST” car, man, woman, boyfriend, church, job, friends, etc. I read every status update on my phone nearly on a 24/7 basis and none of it was life changing, no status update helped me become Yahweh’s glory in the earth, nor helped me be a better daughter, sister, friend, future wife or future mother. I had allowed a little communication tool to distract me from who I could be. I thought if I read a verse of the Bible or every status update I would have the Bible memorized by now. If I prayed in the Spirit every minute I was on Facebook I could say as Apostle Ball does that I pray in the Spirit more than all of you. If I want to be one that walks in the power of the Holy Ghost I have to be completely focused on my Creator and be busy about His business not my own agenda.

I repent today for the time I have wasted and for the words of Yahweh I could have been hearing and speaking.

Obviously this is about me and my own conviction and desires and in no way do I push this on anyone. I hope that everyone can be on Facebook and manage their time wisely. It is a great way to stay in touch with friends and family that live a part. Hopefully I will learn to govern my time and will be able to return to the crazy world of Facebook. But until then it is my delight to remove this distraction and listen.

Apostle F. Nolan Ball

2011-03-24T14:41:00.001-07:00

This morning I sat across the table from the most amazing man I have ever met. I looked at his head of snow white hair and deep into his beautiful blue eyes and I saw more than I have ever seen before. I no longer saw a man that I had once seen as my parent’s pastor and later referred to as Apostle and Father, I saw a gentle giant. I saw a man of strength, endurance, humility, confidence, compassion, grace, generosity, thoughtfulness, discipline, knowledge, peace, mercy and love. I saw a true Apostle willing to die to himself and his own desires to see the will of Yahweh established in the earth. I saw a man who has allowed himself and his family to be ridiculed, mocked, laughed at, and hurt by numerous men and women for the sake of the cause. I saw a standard of righteousness. A man who continually denies his own flesh so that the purpose of Yahweh can be fulfilled in whatever capacity.

As I sat there and listened to this mans heart I was convicted and humbled. I realized I have not grabbed hold of everything he has for me, although I was thankful for him; I did not see him as Yahweh saw him. I jokingly said I felt as if I was going to have breakfast with a celebrity and quite honestly that does not do this man justice. This man of whom I speak is Apostle F. Nolan Ball, a king, part of a royal priesthood, a son of the living God Yahweh, an oracle, a father, a friend, a vessel for wells of revelation to flow and anything else that Yahweh may need. I wish I could have told him more of what he means to me, what he has done for me, what he has done for my future husband and my future seed but he isn’t going to let me go on and on about how great he is so I’ll share it with you all instead. If you have ever had the privilege of meeting this man, he has words of life to whoever will receive. Whether or not my children ever have the opportunity to sit with Apostle Ball as I have, I pray that they will know him by the life I live.

Thank you Apostle Ball for blazing a trail for millions to follow, not to copy, but partake of the life you have lived and continue to live. Thank you for laying your life down to allow so many to be fathered and set apart, and thank you for helping establish Kingdom order across the world. Sir, you have and continue to do awesome things in the earth and whether or not the men and women you have impacted ever turn back to say thank you or not, Yahweh is thankful, the angels are thankful and I am thankful.

Continue to hear, speak, see, do, release, demonstrate, provoke, pursue and suddenly…………
http://www.therockofpc.org/

I see new things

2011-03-23T21:08:00.000-07:00

As I sit and ponder the ways of life

I ponder differently these days

I see new things

I hear new sounds

The overwhelming mundane tasks are not mountains but mere thrill hills to ride over and over and scream with glee

I breathe a new breath

I dream a new dream

Dreams I once had seem small and childish

The dreams I have today take my breath away

The thoughts of how things should happen have been washed away

My thoughts are now what is Yahweh going to show me today

The limitations I placed on myself have been lifted

The true identity of who I am to be is being revealed one layer at a time

What I had always hoped would happen

Is now the reality that I am living in

The impossible has been made possible

Yahweh is giving me creative ideas

Creating the unknown through me

Yahweh needs a vessel to use and I want to be chosen

I want to set myself up to be picked

I am removing distractions that could hinder me from seeing

I am pursing with everything in me the heart of my Father Yahweh

And suddenly……………..

China Missions

2011-03-14T15:17:00.001-07:00

China Missions

I do not write to brag, but I write so that I can encourage my self and others to continue to be thankful for the help of Holy Spirit and to continue to allow ourselves to be changed. A different perspective is always helpful.

Several years ago I had the privilege of going with Pastor George Brantley and a medical team to China. We set up different clinics in rural areas and treated numerous types of patients. Four of us were asked to give a 3-hour presentation on different health related topics at a University in Beijing. I was asked to speak to about 500 women on midwifery in the United States. I was delighted to do so!

Three hours is a long time to speak on a subject even if you love what you are talking about. I did not have a power point presentation or any visual aids, but my translator Anne was phenomenal. She had been with me all week long and we had definitely made a connection.

I put on my fun, happy, United States scrubs and I was ready to teach these students, teachers, midwives and doctors everything about midwifery that I knew. For the first hour I explained our routine procedures and told fun stories of babies and different names people had chosen and we had a good time together. After that hour I was done and I had no idea what I was going to do the next 2 hours. I decided to have them take a break and when they came back I was going to have them do something for me.

Their 5-minute break seemed like a second; then they were back expecting some grand lecture from me. To break the ice a little and to help me think what to do next I asked all 500 women if they would stand and sing their national anthem or something in their language, which is Mandarin. So they did and it was so beautiful and touching hearing them sing together. Well when they were finished my translator looked at me and said “well, I told them if they would sing for you that you would sing for them”. I had no idea that this was being said. I was appalled but what was I to do now these women were expecting me to sing.

I started singing Shout to the Lord and began to worship Yahweh like it was just the two of us in that place. After I was done, I received a standing ovation (only because they could not understand me). I told them the real reason why I had come to China. I shared the gospel with them. I walked up and down the stadium-seating classroom and looked these women in the face and told them in their language, “wǒ ài nǐ”, which means I love you. Tears began to fall down my face as the love of Yahweh filled that place. We did not speak the same language, but in that moment there was a genuine love that we all were experiencing. People were crying and kissing my cheeks and thanking me over and over again for coming and sharing.

It was an overwhelming experience, one that I will never forget. During this time, unknown to me, there were reporters taking pictures and the very next day my picture was in their local newspaper. It was interesting to me that the other 3 who taught that day did not have a chance to preach but the Chinese chose to put the illegal gospel preacher in the paper. Of course it said nothing about the gospel but we knew what it represented.

Yahweh will show up on our behalves if we allow Him too. Step out of our comfort zone and be His demonstration in the earth. It is my delight to do the will of the Father.

Just Say NO

2011-02-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

Just say NO…. That 2 letter word says LOVE more than anything I know

One of the hardest things to do is to tell someone you love no. You want to give your child everything they desire, even things that you know will eventually cause them harm. For instance, candy or sugary snacks may seem like simple little blessings, when in reality it can easily become an addiction and cause your immune system to shut down for 24hours. But we do not think of the benefit or the love needed to say no today so that they will not have to deal with the things we have had to walk out of. Instead we do the easy thing and give in. We say yes, which does not show love. If you love someone you want them to be the best that they can be and you think beyond the moment and look to the future. By saying NO today can help create healthy habits. Saying no to the extra piece of candy or cookie could save them from obesity later in life~ I am just speaking from experience; they will thank you later I promise.

Saying NO today could save your loved ones life down the road. I remember one specific time in my life when my daddy told me no about something I really believed I was suppose to do. Obviously, my dad has told me no numerous times but when it involved me doing missions and traveling dad was always behind me 100%. Well this time it was different. I decided to rent out my house, I started selling all my household goods, I turned in my resignation and I was preparing to move to Honduras. After I had accomplished all this, even though he really didn’t want to because he knew that I really desired to move to Honduras for a year and be a nurse for a school there, he said NO do not go. He also said that if after a year of being here in Panama City, Florida and I still desired to go he would do whatever he could to help me get there. Well the year came and I knew I was not to go. Thank you Yahweh for a daddy who says NO.

Those simple words changed my life! I could have lived a great life in Honduras, been a missionary the rest of my life, but that was not Yahweh’s plan. That was my own selfish desires. This was about 3 years ago now and I know that during this time I have grown tremendously in my faith, learning to be faithful over little things, training for a marathon and then finishing it, changing my perspective on life and love and so many other things. I have been able to assist in the delivery of all my sister’s children and numerous friends and none of this would have been possible if I were a missionary in Honduras. I do not regret heeding the advice of my father that day. What is life for some can be death to others. You have to be in your place at the right time!

I am thankful for my dad doing a difficult thing that day and saying a simple word, NO. He saved my life that day and I am grateful. You may need to save some ones life but may not want to hurt their feelings or whatever the case may be, but trust me, they will be very thankful in the end! JUST SAY NO!

Let go!!!!!!

2011-02-20T15:46:00.000-08:00

Are you holding on to things that are not important?

The other day I was walking to my Jeep with my hands way too full. It always seems like I try to carry too many bags of groceries so that I do not have to make more trips. However, it would probably be much easier if I would carry less stuff and make another trip. Anyway, this particular day Holy Spirit showed me something. I had one of my mother’s special tea cups in one hand and a basket of random non important items in the other. I started to drop the basket and instantly without thinking I lost control of the tea cup while trying to keep the basket from falling.

Holy Spirit showed me that this happens a lot in life as well. People try to save or hold onto something that is not important but in doing so they lose the thing that is important. Holy Spirit reminded me to let go of what is not important and hold tight to the things that are.

PS. Thankfully I did not drop or break the tea cup that day : )

Calorie Counting???

2011-02-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

Calorie Counting?

Have we become more obsessed with our outward appearance than with what’s on the inside? Have we become a control freak about what we put into our mouth but not what we are feeding our inner man?

Just recently, as I was looking at every calorie I was ingesting and deciding whether or not it was worth consuming, I was convicted. I thought, do I take this much consideration in what I am feeding my inner man, do I look and say, is it worth it? Do I say I need more of the Word; I need to pray in the Spirit more, I need to be silent more or I need less of this distraction or that? Have I really been so in tune to my flesh that I have not allowed myself to see the importance of the other?

I will continue to count my calories in the natural because I do not want to go back to the old, but I do not want to forsake the very essence of my being either.

Has society dictated what standard you will live by?

2011-02-16T08:32:00.000-08:00

Has society dictated what standard you will live by?

I went to a movie tonight and I was appalled at what I have allowed my self to be exposed to and tolerate. The world has done an incredible job at desensitizing us to sin. What I dared not watch 5 years ago has now become present in almost every TV show, commercial, movie or any other sort of entertainment. I have tolerated it and continued to watch my favorite TV show.

What seems like a suddenly has actually been a subtle thing that has occurred over the past several years. Maybe there would be a lesbian or homosexual couple present in a show, then when that was socially accepted there would be scenes with hand holding, then kissing until the present day where full sex scenes of are displayed and presented as the norm in our society. It has been socially accepted and just because you disagree with it does not make watching it alright. Suddenly, things that were completely out of the question now you just say “that is gross”, but continue to sit through it. Sin is sin, period.

That is just one example. There are numerous things we have become more tolerant of, like certain curse words we wouldn’t dare say before have become the norm. Certain vulgar jokes we will listen to and laugh. The violence and torture that is present in almost every movie. WE have become no different than the person sitting next to us. There is NO standard of holiness.

Even the movie ratings have changed because our standards have been changed. Now R movies have pornography, violence, witchcraft, and vulgarity. It is all vile. PG movies aren’t for kids anymore. There has been a noticeable shift in what is sociably acceptable and unfortunately instead of the righteous raising the standard we have stooped to the world’s standards.

I encourage you again to look at what your standards are and why you allow yourself to be exposed to certain sins and feel ok about it. We are the light of the world, lets let our light SHINE!

Emotional Speaking and Writing

2011-02-15T14:37:00.001-08:00

Emotional Speaking and Writing

One thing that Yahweh is teaching me is to manage my emotions.

Emotion:

1. A mental state that arises spontaneously rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes; a feeling: the emotions of joy, sorrow, reverence, hate, and love.

2. A state of mental agitation or disturbance; spoke unsteadily in a voice that betrayed his emotion.

3. The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility: “ The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect”.

I love feeling emotion and I embrace being a woman and I know that emotions are good. But just like anything else if they are not governed they become a hindrance. I will be the first to admit that on numerous occasions I have spoken in an emotional state and, although my motives were pure, I was out of order. If I can share the glamorous stories with you, I should be able to share my faults too. I am allowing my Father to help me change.

It is so easy to speak when you are emotional, its like the wells of words come flowing out in a way that you could never prepare for. Declarations can be made that in that very moment are whole heartedly what you believe but in the end are just an emotional response, not the true word of Yahweh. This is a process that I am walking out and I know I will be victorious. With the help of Holy Spirit all things are possible.

Facebook is another platform for emotional lash outs. Again our emotions take over and before you know it you have spoken or written things that should never have been said. It honestly does not matter if you are right, just speaking about some things is wrong. Use someone you are joined to to be your sounding board when your emotions are increased or better yet wait until you can address the issue without such strong emotion.

I am not saying we should never speak out of emotion because there are times for it. Just realize the importance of being cautious over your words and actions. Lets be gentle giants. We can be confidant in who we are and still be humble and speak with loving-kindness. These are true attributes of Godliness.

Daily I am learning to rule over my own emotions, knowing when to speak and when to keep silent. You may have the word of life for someone but spoken at the wrong time or in some emotional state could hinder the process of the word to grow. Just as if you plant carrots and you accidentally plant a watermelon seed with the carrots. That watermelon plant will take over the carrots and what was supposed to be carrots will eventually be blurred out by the wrong seed. It didn’t matter that your intentions were good, your own mistake got in the way and hindered the perfect seed to grow. We are the same way with our emotions, do not allow them to get in the way of planting the right seed at the right time in the right soil.

To all my single friends

2011-02-14T03:25:00.000-08:00

This is to all my single friends…

I am sure as this lovely day comes along every year you probably ask some of the same questions I do. Where is my Valentine? I have been faithful and waited and continue to pursue the things of Yahweh, so why isn’t he here yet? However, my mindset has been changed. Of course I still desire these things and I truly believe that they will come to pass in Yahweh’s perfect time.

One of my dear friends recently reminded me of something and it spoke volumes to me. I hope that it will help some of you. He just simply reminded me of 1 Corinthians 7: 32-34. Which says “But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of Yahweh – how he may please Yahweh. 33 But he who is married cares about the things of the world – how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of Yahweh, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband. 35 And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve Yahweh without distraction.”

After reading that, I was immediately convicted and repented for not pursuing Yahweh whole-heartedly without distraction. I understand what Paul was saying to the Corinthians and I took it as a word for me and my fellow single friends. This truly is the only time in our lives that we can devote the majority of our time to Yahweh without the distraction of a spouse and children. Obviously a spouse and children are and will be a blessing to us, but they are also extremely time consuming. I began to ponder on all my free time over the past several years and begin to regret not focusing more on the Father and resting in the presence of the living God, Yahweh. I repented, and I refuse to live in condemnation. I know now not to go back to the old, but pursue the new. I will not let another moment pass without acknowledging the living God in my life. I will allow Him to consume my every thought. I will rule and reign over my mind and my time, and focus on the things of the kingdom. I will embrace and capture every proceeding word of the Father for me, and the people I may encounter.

When the time comes for a man and babies to be added to my life, I will be completely grounded and confident in my relationship with the almighty God. Then I can be a blessing and a true helpmate. My future husband will not have to drag me along, but I will have prepared myself in such a way that will be pleasing to Yahweh and my spouse. These are all the wonderful things we can embrace and become and one day we will be overtaken by the joy of marriage, but until then, lets enjoy the liberty we have and take hold of the responsibility that we need to become just who Yahweh created us to be.

Identity Crisis

2011-02-12T19:57:00.001-08:00

Identity Crisis

More and more often I see insecure individuals looking for identity in all the wrong places. I know the lack of fathers being present in the homes is a major cause, but it’s not just the fatherless that are having an identity crisis.

I see men and women daily that sound, look, talk exactly like one another, and to me this absolutely cheapens Yahweh. Obviously when you are around the same people you will naturally pick up some of their mannerisms but when you begin to lose your identity, there is a problem.

I want to caution us today to make sure that your identity is not wrapped up in your parents, nor your role model, your Apostle, your friends, your spouses or whomever else may have a major influence in your life. I am not saying to be foolish and not desire to have certain attributes from individuals, we have a lot to learn from people’s successes and failures. We would be foolish to think we could do everything on our own. But we must be who Yahweh created us to be and not try to be someone else.

During adolescence, when young people are beginning to figure out who they want to be, they will attach themselves to an individual that seems appealing to them and before they know it they have grown up to look, sound, and act just like them. You might say if that individual is Godly and has great character, what is the problem? Well the issue is that the very person Yahweh has called you to be has been altered by your obsession or desire to become like someone. Most of the time everyone can see this but the individual.

Yahweh has called us to be identified in Christ. Let us strive to be like Yahshua. You know how when cutting out art projects, if you do not use the original pattern every time the object is slightly altered from the original and continues to become more and more altered if you use the copy instead of the original. I believe we do the exact same thing in life. Instead of using the original, Yahshua, as the example we use the copy. The more and more we use the copy, the further we get from the original. It does not seem that different from the original, until we put the two side by side.

Let us go back to the original and look again at Yahshua and be more like Him. Let us love without restraint; let us be an outpouring of grace and mercy to one another. Let us see with new eyes and let our perspective be changed. Let us not do what we have always done because that is what we have been taught, lets do what we have never done because now we see the pattern Son with a new light. Our perspectives need to change so the glare can be removed from our eyes. Come on! We have lots to learn. Lets pick up the torch and run together and allow our identity to be in Yahshua. We are called to be great so lets do our part. I love you guys and want to see us become everything Yahweh has for us and our generation.

A baby brought back to life

2011-02-11T07:20:00.001-08:00

A baby brought back to life…

I will never forget the Saturday morning I was working in a slow family birth place when a major crisis arose. I was in charge that day, and a nice couple came in to have their sweet baby. Everything about the labor seemed normal, when suddenly we had a major emergency on our hands. The baby’s umbilical cord came prior to the baby’s head. In this case we had no Doctor or anesthesiologist in house to deliver the baby by emergency cesarean section. It was up to me to decide what to do next.

While I used one hand to keep the baby’s head off the umbilical cord to allow for blood flow to continue to the baby, I used my other hand to reach for my cell phone and call the patients doctor. All the while it was important that I stay calm for the patient and her scared husband while I pushed the emergency alarm to get some more help.

I jumped on the stretcher while the other wonderful nurses pushed us to the operating room where we prepared for the anesthesiologist and obstetrician to arrive. I continued to hold the baby’s head up but I could feel the pulse in the umbilical cord slowly decreasing. I informed my colleagues to be ready for a full code on this baby.

What seemed like eternity but was somehow only a few minutes, the doctors arrived to perform the emergency cesarean section. Just as I had predicted, when the baby was delivered there was no sign of life! No pulse, no respirations, no color, no anything. Immediately I began to pray in the Spirit while doing CPR. In the midst of that I remember looking at 2 of the nurses, Stacy and Opie, who were helping me and asked “are you guys ok, I am not freaking you out am I” they both looked at me and said “No”. I continued praying in the Spirit, rather loudly, and we continued doing what was necessary to bring that baby back to life.

Sure enough, that baby did come back to life! We all rejoiced and in our own ways we thanked God for His help and the miracle that took place that day. Both nurses that were with me came up to me at different times and said how they experienced a peace come over them when I began to pray in the Spirit. The presence of the living God is a tangible thing and oh how thankful I am for my Helper, Holy Spirit.

Later we found out that that babies name meant dove, which is a representation of Holy Spirit. Thankfully on the day of his arrival he had a spirit filled nurse laying hands on him. I know that this is what caused his spirit and body to come to life. His parents are spirit filled believers and the baby is a healthy 5 year old now.

Why I use the Name Yahweh

2011-02-09T21:20:00.001-08:00

Why I use the name Yahweh

Since several of you have asked me recently why I use the name Yahweh instead of God, I decided to write in my own words why I do. If you want more detailed information on the name of Yahweh, I have a dear friend who wrote a book all about it. It is a great resource and I can give you that information if you want it. This is a very basic explanation of why I use His name.

Several years ago now the Apostle in our ecclesia began to talk about the importance of the names Yahweh and Yahshua. It seemed so odd to me at first (and even stranger when I would try to spell them). However, the realization of the importance of His name and the excitement of actually knowing His name captivated me. Today I use them without hesitation and I know that it is an important truth to lay hold of.

I love my name and love to hear people call me by my name. None of us like to have our name misspelled or pronounced incorrectly and we immediately want to correct the person who has misused it. I do not want to be addressed as girl, female, lady, woman, sister, or friend by people. I want my name used. I feel as if Yahweh is the same way. Where God and Father are appropriate at times, He wants to be called by name.

The fact is, there are numerous religions and gods that people worship. A god can be an object or a celebrity or anything you idolize. I want it to be very clear to whom I am speaking ,who I worship, and what I believe.

When I go overseas and travel to foreign countries I do not ask the Chinese to translate my name in their native language so that it is easier for them to say. They call me by my given name without translation, Crissy.

Obviously I do not think that if you use God instead of Yahweh He will not answer you. I want to please Yahweh in everything I do and one of these areas I believe is with His name. It is an honor to walk with the living God and know His true Hebrew name, Yahweh.

All words are seeds . . .

2011-02-09T08:53:00.000-08:00

All words are seeds…

I remember so vividly one of our teachers, Mr. Skinner had those words written on the chalkboard for all of us to read. It was there everyday for the entire school year. Apparently it worked because I still remember it today.

Several years ago a dear friend of mine, Caroline Nicholson, was preparing to run a marathon. I was in awe of her passion and dedication to such a task and said without even thinking, “I would love to run a marathon one day”. Mind you, at this time in my life I was morbidly obese, busting out of a size 24, and couldn’t even walk a mile. She looked at me that day and said “You can so do it, start training”. Those words were planted in me.

In January 2010, after losing a lot of weight, I decided I was going to start training for a marathon. As I started the process, I remembered the sweet words from Caroline so many years before, and they were life to me. October 17, 2010 I ran my first marathon in 5hrs and 55 minutes. I definitely did not break any records, but I had done something that just a few years before had seemed impossible. Cristina Estelle Hathaway completed 26.2 miles.

You never know what your words can do for someone. See beyond the natural and truly believe in someone and you too can impact some ones life in such a way. I am sure when Caroline believed in me that day she had no idea the impact she would have.

Come on! Lets plant some good seeds! Plant some words in people and see them manifested!

He who has an ear to hear...let him hear! 7/22/09

2011-02-07T12:43:00.000-08:00

Yahweh is speaking to those who have an ear to hear and I am glad that I am one. After another wonderful service I was sitting pondering the things of the kingdom and this time we are in. I opened my Bible and Yahweh said this, Matthew 19:28-30:
"Yahshua said to them, Assuredly I say to you, that in the regeneration, when the Son of Man sits on the throne of His glory, you who have followed Me will also sit on the twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And everyone who has left houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or wife or children or lands, for My name's sake, shall receive a hundredfold, and inherit eternal life."

I believe that Yahweh revealed this to me at this very time because of what He is calling us to do. For instance, Christopher and Hope to leave their beautiful house as well as their fathers, mothers, brothers and sisters to follow the word of Yahweh. Because of their faithfulness and obedience Yahweh is returning to them a hundredfold plus ETERNAL life! I say yes and amen to this.

Another one, Adam B. leaving his father, mother, brother, sister and children to follow after Yahweh so that he too shall receive a hundredfold as well as ETERNAL life! That is amazing.

There are so many I could add here like Ben Steiger, Wanda, Genevie, Amaris and many more who have left families to follow after Yahweh's word and they too shall be blessed a hundredfold and have ETERNAL LIFE.

regenerate: 1. generate again, 2. improve the moral condition of, 3. impart new, more vigorous, and spiritually greater life 4. regrow or cause to regrow, spiritually born again, reformed.

In the natural it seems as if things are not good but in the Spirit Yahweh has ordered our steps for such a time as this. Lands have been lost, homes given up, and families seperated, but Yahweh says it is good! Yahweh has prepared us to endure all these things, and in turn He will bring back hundredfold blessing as well as ETERNAL LIFE! Which is so much more than what we have lost.

I believe that Yahweh is giving us a supernatural grace, strength, and endurance for this journey and that we will be STRONG and not grow weary. We will hear Yahweh say: well done good and faithful sons!

I am so excited about this time that we are in and am glad that Yahweh has given me some clarification in my own heart because this helps me with the transition and I hope it will help all of you!

Random Thoughts From Crissy

2011-02-07T12:38:00.001-08:00

1/31/2011

As I sit on a plane headed to California, eating my pretzels, drinking my mocha, and listening to Apostle Johnny Snellgrove, I have an over whelming realization of how important it is for me to grasp the whole truth of the gospel of the Kingdom.

I understand that I cannot spend my whole day lying flat on my face before Yahweh. I have to have a job and have relationship with people, pay my bills etc. However, I do realize my focus has been WRONG. Of course I have always loved Yahweh and He has always been my primary focus, but the more I have set out to grab hold of the truth, the more I have been convicted of how little time I spend with the Father and how little I really know Him. If a wife spent this same amount of time with her husband, it would be as if she visited him on occasion when it was convenient for her. She might love him and serve him, but there would be a lack of intimacy and communion, and the relationship would not be satisfying for either of them. I obviously do not want to be married to Yahweh, but I do want an intimate relationship with Him. I want to know the mysteries of the kingdom. I want to please Yahweh. I do not want to pencil Yahweh into my life. Instead I want to pencil in the mundane task of everyday life. My primary focus for today is entering into the day of His presence, His rest. This cannot just happen on Sunday morning. It needs to be a daily thing.

Today I repent for focusing on the creation and not the Creator. Continually my eyes are being opened and what worked yesterday is not relevant for my today. I will not hold on to the stale bread of yesterday but I am grasping hold of the revelation and current word for today. Do not allow this time to pass you by! When this season is over, you don’t want to look back with regret and say I wish I had made time to be a part. Do not be like the mother who decides she needs a nicer car or more superficial things and leaves her small babies at a daycare to go to work. When suddenly she wakes up and realizes that her babies are no longer babies, but adults and all the insignificant items in her life are meaningless and she just longs to go back and invest in her children. But, by that time it’s too late. This time will not come again. Do whatever has to be done to invest in it. Live leaner, drive an older car, stay in your smaller home and invest in your children. See the bigger picture! Trust me, I love nice things. I always dream big. I’ve always wanted the huge house and the 3 carat diamond ring, the nicest Range Rover, the most outrageous exotic vacations…but, my mindset has been completely changed and maybe you have to struggle to figure that out. However it has to happen, I am very thankful that the truth has come and freedom right behind it.

I am learning how to rest. Some people might think that this is doing nothing or taking a sabbatical from their everyday life but that is far from the truth. Resting to me is being at peace not striving to obtain something. I am reminded again today what Yahweh spoke to me in regards to my marathon. He said,”He was taking me out of the struggle into the rest”. If you have ever run 26.2 miles you know it is a struggle of the mind. Do not become lazy and say you are in His rest NO you are just lazy. Continue to better yourself for your future and your future seed but do not force a square peg in a round hole. Do not just make something happen because you have the strength to do so, you will end up bringing damage to yourself and that situation.

I have often spoken of wanting to become a midwife but for some reason not because of the work to become a midwife but I have not had peace and /or a release to do so. I am not sure if I will ever become a midwife we shall see what the future holds for me. Ultimately I want to please the Father and whatever it maybe that He desires of me that is what I will be.

What I know today is that I can see the importance of spending more time with Yahweh and not being distracted by the insignificant task of everyday life. I will walk in His rest like I have never done before.

My Journey On This Beloved Path of Nursing

2011-02-07T12:01:00.000-08:00

I remember as a small child in the fourth grade I knew I wanted to help bring babies into the world. I have always had a love for children and actually said I wanted to be like the lady that lived in the shoe with all those kids.

I grew up in a small town just off the coast of Northwest Florida. In Panama City, our local hospital had a great program that allowed me to volunteer in Labor and Delivery and the nursery when I was just 14.

It was there that I met one of the first nurses I had ever known personally. This incredible lady, Adana, took me under her wing and began to mentor me. I will never forget going into the delivery room for the first time and seeing new life being brought into the world. Tears fell down my face as I watched the mother look into that sweet tiny baby’s face as they met face to face for the first time. There was a look in that mother’s eyes that one sees only during those first precious moments between the baby and mommy. What a beautiful thing to observe when this instant bonding takes place! There was so much emotion that took place in those few minutes! Time seemed to stand still! It was overwhelming! If there were any lingering doubts or questions in my heart about becoming a nurse when I grew up, that moment completely washed them away.

I still think back fondly on those teen-age years of following Adana around like I was her little pet dog! I learned so much from her, and had so many hands-on experiences that proved so helpful in my pursuit of nursing. I will forever be grateful for what she instilled in me at such a young age.

In 1998, my senior year of high school, I dual-enrolled at the local community college and I began my prerequisites for the nursing program. School never came easy for me, but I was determined to become a nurse so that I would be able to help bring new life into the world. My first semester, after much effort and hard work, I failed my English class and I was devastated. My mother was always great at English and she loved it but I never had a passion for it. I was always the one who would rather experience things first hand than read about them in books. I am still trying to become a lover of books and a good writer. I have made progress, but I still have a ways to go!

Although failing the English class set me back, I continued to pursue my dreams and worked extremely hard. Finally, after taking the English class again and passing it, I got all my prerequisites completed and it was time to take the entrance exam for nursing school. I am not a good test-taker and for some reason I always freaked out and could not recall any of the information that I had studied. Numerous prayers went out on my behalf while I took the entrance exam. I awaited those results to come in the mail like I would if I’d been waiting for a lottery check! Finally, I received the good news that out of a large number of applicants, I was one of just a few who had been accepted.

I began meeting all the nursing school instructors so that they could put a face with the name on the application. During this time it was very competitive to get into the program and my grades and test scores were just enough to meet the admission criteria. I needed favor with these women and I let them know who I was and why I wanted to be in the program. I was accepted into the program in fall of 1999.

I was so excited that I was finally going to get to be doing what I had always wanted to do. I bought my big white scrubs with blue pin stripes down the front. I bought my K Swiss white nursing tennis shoes, my own stethoscope and other nursing supplies. I was ready for my first day of nursing school. I was too excited to even sleep. I thoroughly enjoyed my nursing lab class where I learned how to take B/P’s, do assessments, and make beds, bath patients and other small nursing duties. My instructor was wonderful, she was this short chubby lady with short spiky blonde hair and she always wore lots of gold jewelry and was always full of life. The actual theory class was very interesting but way more intense than I could imagine. There is no way you can be prepared for your first nursing exam. There are always numerous correct answers for every question and you have to know the “best” one. Not only that but for every question you have to know numerous facts so you can even answer the question. The questions are like case studies. I had never tested well and this was even worse than I could of imagined. I did not do well on my first test but I continued to be faithful and studied numerous hours.

Finally the first semester of nursing school was coming to an end and I was barely passing. It was final exam time and after spending the whole night studying, reviewing note cards, lecture notes, highlighted text and numerous cups of coffee it was time to take the final. It has been almost 11 years now and I remember that day like it was yesterday. We took the exam that morning and would not have the results until that afternoon. I remember after the exam some of us were freaking out about the test and not having any idea how we did, we went to the cafeteria and frantically looked up answers to the questions we could all remember. I was getting everyone wrong and I was getting more and more nervous the more we discussed the exam. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the test scores and final class grades were posted on a small corkboard outside the lab. My heart was racing and I looked up and saw my numbers and my final grade was 75.27. Oh my goodness! My face fell, as did any hope of nursing. I had failed my first semester of nursing school by .73 of a point. I needed a 76 to pass. I thought surely there was something that could be done. Seriously? Less than a point? There was no extra credit or maybe one test question that could be thrown out?

My mind was racing with a hundred different scenarios. With tears in my eyes, I went to my advisor, Mrs. Carol Hill. With the reality of defeat and disappointment in my heart, I asked her what could be done. “Isn’t there anything that I can do to get .73 of a point? But the answer was that all I could do at that point was to reapply to get back in the following semester.

I left there that day to the sound of my friends rejoicing on moving on to the next semester. Here I was, having believed this was God’s purpose for my life since I was ten years old, and even after so much hard work and so much praying, I had failed.

I was so gravely disappointed. I knew my mom would be waiting for me to hear my final grade as she had been up the night before helping me prepare for my exam. Immediately as I pulled up into the driveway and I got out of my little maroon colored Camry, she saw my face and knew immediately that the news was bad. I walked in the door, cried extremely hard, hugged Mama’s neck, and said,” I am going to bed”.

Waking up that afternoon I had an amazing sense of peace and I knew what I was to do next. Holy Spirit began speaking to me about the spirit of disappointment and all the things my daddy had had to deal with in regards to disappointment. I immediately knew that this was a defining moment in my life. I knew I had to choose whether or not I would allow myself to be marked by disappointment, or if I would shake off the generational curses and conquer the task at hand.

I am thankful to say Holy Spirit helped me make the right choice that day….to see truth and to receive it. I am thrilled today to say I am no longer defined by that. That day, I closed the door to disappointment and failure, and fully embraced Yahweh’s word to me.

That next Monday I went back to the college and reapplied for the nursing program. I knew I needed favor and I was asking Yahweh to show up on my behalf and to give me wisdom on what to say and who to see next. To be accepted once into the program was difficult. To be reaccepted after failing was impossible.

I went to see my first semester instructor Mrs. Hill, and when I walked into her office, I noticed she seemed distraught and it was obvious she had been crying. I did not know whether to ask if she was ok or just act is if I did not notice. I was a bit nervous about being there anyway, but I finally decided to ask. She informed me that she had lost the ring her mother had given her before her mother had died earlier that year. Instantly, I asked Holy Spirit help me find this lady’s ring and to use that blessing to give me favor with her. I left her office and began praying in the Spirit. I walked the hallways and went outside to the parking lot. After some time, I looked down on the grey-graveled road and saw a flash of gold. I reached down and it was a gold ring that had been run over. I thought, “Oh, please, let this be hers!”

With excitement—and hope for my future—I found Mrs. Hill. I handed her the small damaged ring and she began to sob while simultaneously hugging and thanking me for finding her treasure. I was delighted and so thankful for my Helper, Holy Spirit. With Mrs. Hill as a strong ally, I was reaccepted into the program that spring and worked extremely hard, graduating May of 2001 with my Associate of Nursing Degree.

A plethora of testing takes place before you get your registered nursing license. First of all you have to take an exit exam from the school, which is similar to the boards of nursing. Once you pass those, you can apply to take your boards of nursing. A gifted prophetess Zoe Melvin gave me a word at the beginning of nursing school and it has stuck with me for years now, In fact, it means so much to me that I have it tattooed on my wrist. It is a simple but life-defining message from my Heavenly Father to me. Zoe said, “Yahweh says… “Impossible . . . NOT!”

I received that word and at every major occurrence in my life, I remind myself that nothing is impossible with Yahweh. I sat in the Tallahassee testing center and wrote on a napkin in front of me Impossible…NOT so that I could be reminded that Yahweh would not let me fail and I would pass my boards. I did indeed pass and I am so thankful for that.

Ten years have passed since I obtained the education and licensure necessary to fulfill my dream of becoming a nurse. Since that time I have experienced many things….babies born and babies lost. I’ve been there to see parents rejoice, and held their hands when they’ve wept. I’ve delivered babies when the doctor was late, ridden on the gurney with mother holding the babies head off the cord, and later prayed with the parents over the future of that baby who was snatched back from the brink of death. I have been there to assist in delivering my two nieces and my three nephews. I have been privileged to be with friends as they have welcomed their little ones into their arms.

I have always known that nursing would take me into places that I might otherwise not be able to go. This has certainly been true. I have had the opportunity to go to India, China, Romania, Eastern Europe, Africa and numerous places across the United States.

Someone once said, "When you're a nurse you know that every day you will touch a life or a life will touch yours." I am so thankful my God has graced me to get to this place where I can say from my own experiences that this statement is true.

So glad to be a nurse.